It’s not all in your head: The Hidden Roots of Anxiety Most Women Never Talk About

I used to think my anxiety meant something was wrong with me.

But what I know now is, it was my body’s way of saying,

“I’ve held too much for too long.”

Most of us were never taught how to name what we feel, let alone express it.

So anxiety becomes the language our body uses to speak for us.

It’s not all in your head.

It’s what happens when you’ve been strong for too long.

🌱 The 7 Hidden Roots of Anxiety

I repotted this plant a few weeks ago, so the roots had more room to grow.

Less room meant root rot. 🌱

Just like us, sometimes anxiety is a sign we’ve outgrown the space we’ve been surviving in.

Most people think anxiety is just “too much stress” or “overthinking.”

But underneath are deeper roots that quietly shape how we move through the world.

If we want to heal anxiety instead of manage it, we have to get curious about where it began.

1️⃣ Emotional Suppression

When feelings have no words, the body speaks through tension, restlessness, and worry.

Anxiety often shows up when there’s no safe place to express what’s really going on.

2️⃣ Difficulty Tolerating Emotional Distress

Most of us never learned how to handle big feelings.

What were your early role models for handling strong emotions?

Did you see people take deep breaths and talk it out, or say they were “fine” when they clearly weren’t?

Did emotions mean connection… or conflict?

The ability to sit with discomfort has to be taught.

When it isn’t, anxiety steps in to manage what feels too much to hold.

3️⃣ Unhealed Family + Attachment Patterns

Growing up around inconsistency, criticism, or emotional distance trains your nervous system to expect chaos.

You learn to stay alert for shifts in mood, tone, or energy, long before a word is even spoken.

That early wiring shapes your attachment style and how safe you feel when close to others.

For some, anxiety only shows up in relationships.

You might feel steady at work or in daily life,

but when someone you care about pulls away or goes quiet, it hits like panic.

You become hypervigilant to subtle changes, a pause in a text, a different tone, a delayed response.

Your mind scans for what you did wrong.

Your body braces for loss.

That’s anxious attachment in motion, not weakness, but a nervous system trained to survive uncertainty.

4️⃣ Negative Self-Talk + Perfectionism

When your inner voice is harsh, your nervous system stays on guard.

Trying to “get it all right” becomes a way to feel safe, not to thrive.

5️⃣ Body-Based Dysregulation

Hormonal changes, gut issues, perimenopause, poor sleep, or chronic stress can keep your body stuck in “on” mode.

Sometimes what feels emotional is actually physiological.

6️⃣ Overload + Lack of Safety

Constant noise, screens, political events, news about the current administration changes, or financial pressure tell your brain, “you’re not safe.”

And a brain that doesn’t feel safe can’t relax.

7️⃣ Unprocessed Trauma

Old experiences your mind has moved past, but your body hasn’t released.

They live under the surface, shaping reactions you can’t always explain.

🔥 By the Fire Pit

If your anxiety has been louder lately, maybe it’s not a setback.

Maybe it’s your body asking to be heard before it shuts down.

Try sitting with this question tonight:

No pressure to fix, just listen.

Place your hand on the part of your body where you feel it most, your chest, stomach, or throat.

Let the sensation speak to you.

Sometimes anxiety just wants to say,

I said that to a client today, and it landed.

Maybe it’ll land for you, too. 💛

💌 Coming Up Next

Over the next few weeks, I’ll be choosing one root from each area, emotional, relational, cognitive, and body, and breaking it down a little deeper.

If one of them hits home, reply with “tell me more” and the topic (like people-pleasing, suppressed anger, or nervous system burnout).

That’s how I’ll know where to go next — what’s really sitting on your heart.

🌿 Gentle Reminder

You’re not broken.

You’re recalibrating.

Take a breath.

You’re allowed to start over, slowly.

Talk to you next week!

Moya