“I’m good” (even when I’m not)

This week I’ve been sick with one of those colds that makes even answering a text feel like too much.

I was foggy, tired, and just trying to keep it together when one of the dance moms — someone I’m just starting to build a connection with — messaged me:

“Hey, I’m in your area. Do you need anything?”

Now, I’ve heard that question before.

But this time… it hit different.

There was no pressure, no expectation — just a simple offer.

And still, I found myself replying:

“No girl, I’m good.”

Except I wasn’t.

But somehow, that felt easier than saying the truth:

I don’t even know what I need.

I’m used to being the helper, not the one who needs help.

I don’t know how to let people in.

🧭 Where This Ties Back

Last week, we talked about internal resources — the steadying things we carry inside us:

Your breath.

Your grounding.

Your prayer.

Your ability to pause in the chaos.

That’s the part I’ve gotten good at.

I can breathe through hard moments.

I can pray and reset.

I can move through the mess and find my way back.

But external resources? Letting others show up for me?

That’s still hard.

If I were to draw two columns — internal vs. external — my internal side would be full.

But the external one?

It’s quieter.

Smaller.

Still being built.

And I think a lot of us live like that — strong in one, unsure in the other.

👣 A Gentle Trauma Lens

Judith Herman, who’s written so powerfully about trauma and recovery, talks about how internal resources are often shaped in early relationships.

If, as a child, it wasn’t safe to reach out…

If no one responded when you cried…

If you were praised for being “strong” or “independent”…

You may have learned early:

Rely on yourself. Keep it in. Don’t ask for help.

And that doesn’t just disappear with age.

It shows up now — in motherhood, in your relationships, in those quiet moments when someone says “Do you need anything?”

And your gut response is still: “I’m good.”

Even when you’re not.

This doesn’t mean you’re broken.

It means you’re healing.

It means you’re learning — maybe for the first time — how to receive.

🛠 This Week’s Tool:

Your Support Columns

Let’s check in gently.

“What’s on Your Support List?”

It’s just two columns:

Internal (what you can pull from within)

External (who or what supports you from the outside)

You might be surprised by what’s missing — and what’s been carrying you all along.

✍🏽 Companion Journal Prompt

What would it look like to let someone care for me — just a little?

Let this question sit with you.

If it helps, reflect on:

• Is there a moment I brushed off support this week?

• What kind of help feels safe right now?

• What gets in the way of letting someone in?

• What’s one small “yes” I could practice this week?

You don’t have to unpack it all.

Just let your pen hold one honest piece of it.

🪞 Gentle Reminder

You are not weak for needing help.

You are not behind because asking feels hard.

You are someone who’s spent a lifetime showing up for others — and might just be learning how to be shown up for in return.

Let that be okay.

💬 P.S. If this landed…

I’m teaching a live workshop for women like us — the ones who hold it all together, who rarely ask for help, who want to feel more regulated but are exhausted from carrying everything silently.

🧘🏽‍♀️ How to Regulate When You’re the One Everyone Depends On

📅 Tuesday, Oct 7 @ 8 PM EST

💻 Zoom (includes replay)

💵 $35

🎁 Includes a worksheet and tools that actually help — even when you’re over it.

You’ll leave feeling a little less alone, a little more grounded, and a lot more seen.

👉 [Reserve your seat here.]

🔥 Until Next Time

If your support list feels lopsided — full of inner strength but low on outer help — you’re not alone.

We can build that other column together.

With you in it,

— Moya