Am I helping her grow — or holding too tight?”

Some days, I miss the little version of her.

The one who reached for my hand without thinking, let me brush her hair, and thought I had all the answers.

But now?

She rolls her eyes before I finish a sentence.

She wants space, but also closeness.

She’s figuring out who she is — and sometimes that means pushing me away to find herself.

And here’s the hardest part:

She still needs me. Just not in the same way.

One Story:

I heard something recently that stopped me in my tracks.

It was on a podcast about parenting girls as they transition from girlhood to womanhood. The guest, Dr. Judith Locke, talked about how modern parenting has become more involved — but not always more effective.

She described it as bonsai parenting — carefully pruning and shaping a child’s world to avoid hardship or discomfort.

But just like a bonsai tree, a child raised this way may look beautiful on the outside… and still struggle to grow strong roots.

I felt that.

Because sometimes, in the name of “protecting,” I’ve stepped in too fast.

Or over-explained.

Or hovered when what they really needed was space to mess up safely.

One Tool:

Here’s the question I’m now asking myself at least once a week:

“Is this a moment to connect — or a moment to step back?”

Sometimes connection looks like:

• Sitting quietly in their room while they decompress

• Texting “I’m here if you want to talk” instead of forcing a conversation

• Letting them experience natural consequences — even when I really want to fix it.

And sometimes stepping back means:

• Trusting that everything I’ve modeled is still in them

• Holding space, not holding control

• Releasing the pressure to get it “right” and just being present

One Gentle Reminder:

You’re not failing at parenting because it feels hard.

You’re growing right alongside them.

This relationship will stretch you. But it doesn’t have to break you.

🎧 What I’ve Been Listening To:

If this resonates, I highly recommend the podcast episode that inspired this reflection. It’s a conversation between Trudy Hall and Dr. Judith Locke called “The Connected Girl.”

🔗 [Listen Here]

It’s a balm for the tired mom heart — and a great reminder that our kids don’t need perfect parents.

They just need real ones who keep showing up.

So before you go — can I ask a quick favor?

There are only a handful of us here right now, and that’s what makes it special.

If you have 10 seconds, would you vote below?

It helps me send this when it actually fits your life.

And it reminds me this space matters — not just to me, but to you, too.

Talk soon,

Moya 💛